Power? or Doormat?

After a few days, I can’t believe this is still on my mind. I even dreamt about it last night. I wouldn’t say it ‘bothers’ me necessarily- but I think internally I have been doing some thinking on this issue, lol, even in my dreams. So what the heck, this is blog material. 😉


A little history…


About a year ago or so, I finished Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s best seller- ‘The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands’ (briefed PCFH), and at the same time, I picked up the audio book for her other book- ‘The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriages’ to listen to as a couple. I enjoyed both books very much-despite how many of my friends made fun of me for reading ‘The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands’ (Even one of my Ex’s still til this day would check in and ask “Are you still following Dr. Laura’s prescribed life style?”).


I usually laugh, not minding the jokes- because reading PCFH was like confirming everything I was doing in my current relationship and the book was an affirmation agent to my actions.


Long story short,


 just the other day, we were getting ready to go see Jack Johnson’s concert in Chula Vista (which, my little project of movie clip from Jack’s concert is coming soon!! It’s taking me a while to figure it out!). We planned on arriving at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheater around 5:00 PM. It was 1:30 PM; Dave was in the garage, almost done working on the Seadoo; I just got done reading an E-book and asked our roommate Becky if she wanted to head  to the mall down the street with me.


“I plan on going around 2:30ish” I explained to Becky. “I am fixing some lunch right now and once Dave is done working on the Seadoo, we are having lunch together and then you and I can go.”


Becky immediately shook her head and said: “No, Sandy. You are YOUR OWN woman, you don’t wait for Dave. Don’t accommodate his schedule.”  


This really made me think. No, I didn’t decide to wait because I was solely accommodating him and  sacrificing my own agenda- I waited because I LOVE fixing meals for him (or fixing meals period? lol) and having lunch together with him. It’s that simple, as it should be. SO, I told Becky my thoughts, and I don’t think she agreed with me, which is completely ok, but ever since that day- I started thinking about women independence, how women struggle for power in a relationship, and Dr. Laura’s blogs on love.


This particular blog explains it:



I am NOT the one to claim that I KNOW the ultimate truth on love and relationships.


I don’t.


I can only remain a humble student of life, and just, keep learning. I gather all kinds of information- I filter out what doesn’t agree with my core values and I take in the rest. But I don’t know, the PCFH principles just come so natural to me- you love someone, you want to take care of that person, make that person so happy and smile as big as he/she can! Being in love and in a relationship is not always about getting things your way, silly power struggles ,at least that shouldn’t be your main concern. Of course it’s about your happiness too, but, being able to contribute to that someone’s happiness and wellness is the ultimate source of your own happiness and fulfillment- and you will receive the same if not better treatment back! Brilliant, Dr. Laura!


 I know each couple in their relationship has their own way of ‘being’- Becky and Bobby have their own way; and our way in my relationship is working out beautifully. 🙂


Whew, now this is off my chest, I can move on to a good night sleep. 😉 Thank you for listening! 


Pod on relationships-




~ by findsandy on September 5, 2008.

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